Why Midlife Friendships Are Hard—And How to Make Stronger Friendships in Your 40s
Why Is Making Friends in Midlife So Hard?
Remember when making friends was as easy as sharing a juice box in kindergarten or bonding over a late-night college study session? Somewhere along the way, friendships stopped happening organically. By the time we hit our 40s, we’re juggling careers, family, aging parents, and personal goals. Friendships often take a backseat—sometimes unintentionally, sometimes by necessity.
I imagine we have a much harder time today than in past decades due to working remotely and the sense of connection we get from surface level interactions on social media. When I get out of the house, there’s really nobody around. Organic bump-ins and conversation starters are few and far between. It’s no wonder we’re struggling with maintaining meaningful relationships.
Here’s why many women in midlife struggle with maintaining or forming deep friendships:
- Time Is Scarce – Between work, family, and personal responsibilities, socializing often falls to the bottom of the list.
- Life Paths Diverge – Some friends are still raising young kids, while others are empty nesters. Some are climbing the corporate ladder, while others are seeking a slower life.
- Emotional Burnout – After years of prioritizing others, many women feel drained and struggle to make the effort required to nurture friendships.
- Trust Issues & Past Disappointments – Experience teaches us to be cautious. Many of us have been burned by toxic friendships or one-sided relationships.
- The Social Landscape Changes – In our 20s and 30s, friendships were built around proximity and shared experiences. But by 40, many women work remotely, live in new places, or have friendships that have faded with time and distance.
- Vanity – Our social status, physical attributes and mental status all shift and change throughout life; some for the better, some for the worst. Some of us prefer to hide when we feel we don’t quite stack up against the rest.
How to Build a Meaningful Social Circle in Your 40s
While making friends in midlife requires more intention than before, it’s absolutely possible to create a strong, fulfilling social network.
Here’s how:
1. Prioritize Connection Like You Would a Workout
Friendships thrive on consistency. Schedule time for socializing just like you do for exercise, work, or self-care. Even a monthly coffee date or a biweekly phone call can strengthen bonds. You know how fast time flies! Even every other month is a start!
2. Reconnect with Old Friends
Not every friendship that fades has to stay gone. You know the ones: where months go by and you pick up right where you left off. Those friendships are so valuable. Reach out to an old friend with a simple, “Hey, I was thinking about you! How have you been?” You’d be surprised how many people are craving reconnection.
We’ve all got unanswered texts from the week. On an slow evening, take some time to nurture those connections.
3. Join Groups and Communities That Align with Your Interests
Making friends as an adult is easier when you share a common activity or goal.
Consider:
- Local book clubs or art groups
- Hiking or adventure clubs
- Fitness classes or wellness retreats
- Volunteering for causes that matter to you
- Online communities centered around your interests
Some of the closest friends I’ve made in my adult life came from repeated bump-ins at play groups and parks, and through volunteering at the kids school.
Other friendships came to life at photography retreats and through online platforms.
Some of my closest friends were made trauma-bonding studying during a graduate program.
4. Say Yes More Often + Follow Through
Even when it feels easier to stay in, say yes to invitations when you can. Showing up is half the battle in forming new friendships. Have you ever bumped into someone at the grocery store and go through the whole “We should get together for a BBQ soon!”? Call them on their bluff. Fight your “Netflix and chill” habit. Their life is busy too. Help them make it happen.
5. Be the Initiator
I was weirdly taught to always wait for an invitation, that if someone wanted to be my friend, they’d make an effort with no input from me. This is ridiculous. My advice is, don’t wait for someone else to make the first move. Invite a new acquaintance for coffee. Plan a small gathering. Suggest a weekend walk. Taking the lead in social situations can break the cycle of waiting. It’s those who take the risk (big or small) that have the best chances of winning.
6. Cultivate Different Types of Friendships
We all know people who have that bestie, that ride-or-die friend that they’ve had since the beginning of time. Some of us moved a lot, some of us were awkward as kids, some of us had awful parents who didn’t nurture these experiences before we were capable of doing it ourselves. Not every friend has to be your ride-or-die. Some friendships are built around deep emotional support, while others are perfect for adventure, business networking, or casual fun. Embracing different kinds of relationships takes the pressure off finding the perfect friend.
7. Be Vulnerable & Authentic
At this stage of life, you don’t have time for surface-level friendships. Real connection happens when we share our experiences—both the highs and lows. Being open, taking and asking deep questions, and showing up for others fosters meaningful bonds. If you don’t feel supported to be your real self, stop wasting your time and spend it elsewhere.
8. Let Go of Friendships That No Longer Serve You
Not all friendships are meant to last forever. We learn and grow from every relationship and can be grateful for all of them, no matter how long they last. If a relationship feels one-sided, draining, or out of alignment with your values, it’s okay to let it go. Prioritize friendships that bring joy, support, and connection.
9. You Can’t Save People From Themselves
For years, I felt like an unpaid life coach to a friend. Every time we got together, our conversations turned into hours-long rants about how unfair life was to them. At first, it was entertaining—the gossip, the outrageous stories, the chance to offer advice. I genuinely believed they were just unlucky and that maybe I could help.
But over time, I realized something: their problems weren’t the result of bad luck. They were the direct outcome of their own choices. When I looked back on our conversations, I saw a pattern—I rarely got a word in. My own challenges and wins were barely acknowledged. And no matter how much advice I offered, no matter how many solutions I suggested, they dismissed every one of them without a second thought.
The truth is, some people don’t want to change. They thrive in their own chaos, even as they claim to hate it. You can’t save someone who refuses to save themselves. For the sake of your own mental health, it’s okay to let these people drift away. Let them find someone else to bury under their tales of despair.
10. When Family Becomes Your Best Friend
Growing up, siblings and relatives can feel more like rivals than friends. But in adulthood, life has a way of pulling you closer—through shared history, challenges, and unshakable loyalty.
I never expected a sibling (or relative) to become one of my strongest friendships, but here we are. Unlike other friendships that come and go, this one is built on something deeper—an understanding that doesn’t need words or constant validation.
Not everyone has this bond, but if you do, cherish it. A best friend who’s also family is a rare kind of gift—one that lasts a lifetime.
11. Take Care of Yourself to Feel Good—Not to Hide
We’ve all been there—hesitating before meeting old friends, worried about weight gain, wrinkles, or where we stand in life. Maybe we feel embarrassed about struggles, or even success, around certain people.
But self-care isn’t about fixing flaws to fit in. It’s about feeling good in your own skin—for you, not for anyone else. Confidence isn’t about perfection; it’s about feeling great as you show up as yourself. The people who matter won’t judge you, and the ones who do? They were never your people anyway.
Stop waiting to be “ready”—you are ready, right now.
Final Thoughts: The Beauty of Friendships in Your 40s
Midlife friendships may take more effort, but they’re also richer, deeper, and more intentional. Gone are the days of maintaining friendships out of obligation—this is the time to cultivate relationships that truly nourish and uplift you.
If you’re struggling with loneliness or friendship changes, know that you’re not alone. Many women in their 40s are feeling the same way. The key is to take small, intentional steps toward connection. Pick one of the strategies above and act on it.
Are you actively working on building your social circle?
What strategies have worked for you?
Drop a comment below—I’d love to hear your thoughts!
